You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize