What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
