I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize