Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
