Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
