So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
