Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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