When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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