you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
