after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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