So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
