Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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