good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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