is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize