this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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