Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
