maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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