i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need moral support for this bender
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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