Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
