oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
