OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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