Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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