Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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