Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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