I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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