i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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