You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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