Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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