just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
