you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
