the condom got lost in my hair
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
