I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
