just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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