I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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