1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im holly from the hills drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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