Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
