I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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