I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
