That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
