so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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