I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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