She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
