Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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