I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
