The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
