I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
