exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We had to coat check the pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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