allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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