Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize