We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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