The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
