I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
