Christians are straight up FREAKS
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
