You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
