I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize