My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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