I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
