So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
