She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Life is so much better after having sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
