He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
