i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
