Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
