We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
