the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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