Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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