Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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