Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
