question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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