so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize