Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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