I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Girls should come with a carfax report
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
