No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
