So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
