Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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