I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
