I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
