so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
