I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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