normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
