I wish my penis had an off switch
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize