how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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