Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
