Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
