What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
