I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
