Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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