Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
