i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to make out with him forever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
