Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize