I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
