no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
