every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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