Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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