my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
