The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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