I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
