why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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