No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
