I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
