i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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