So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize