id be glad to
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
