just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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