the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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