We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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