That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
