I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
