ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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